Day Nintendo64: A Beginner’s Guide to Nando’s.

Looks like I’ve got the blogging bug back again!

A few weeks ago, for a friend’s 21st, I found myself at Nando’s for the first time.  I have purposefully avoided Nando’s in the past.  After hearing Example and Ed Sheeran’s ‘Nando’s skank’ over a year ago, I decided it was not the place for me.  If you haven’t heard it, I have posted a link to the video at the end of this post.  It is witty and terribly catchy.  The trouble is, the video caused Nando’s hysteria.  I started to imagine it as the place where adolescent boys would eat extremely hot chicken, in an attempt to impress the ladies.  Then the teenagers would make lots of noise as they turned scarlet and cried for water.  I am not going to say that I am wrong, but I have been harsh. Nando’s is actually some-kind-of-heaven.

I have been told that I have not lost my ‘Nando’s virginity’ because I am a vegetarian and did not try the chicken.  Apologies, but I brought food from the place and I ate it.  I have therefore popped my ‘Nando’s cherry’.  I do feel like a slight failure of a vegetarian though, because I didn’t try the halloumi.  Ooops!  I did have a Bean Burger Pitta and some mashed potato.  It was all very yummy.

For those of you who haven’t been before, I have created a guide for you.  Having become accustomed to fine establishments such as The Ivy, I really wish someone had told me these things…

1) Firstly, only go to Nando’s if you enjoy chicken or vegetarian food.  The choice for veggies and those who are passionate about poultry is really, really good.  The choice for red-meat fanatics is non-existent.

2) You will have to wait for a table.  You will have to wait near a breezy entrance and you will be surrounded by peasants.  Just keep calm.

3) A waiter will put a cock on your table.  Try not to laugh.  He takes the cock(erel) away once your food arrives.

4) Go to the bar and order for yourself (or get your friend to do it for you).  Nando’s staff will not come and take your order.

5) Do not wear a pencil skirt or 7″ velvet platform heels.  Especially do not wear this combination together.  At Nando’s, you get your own drinks.  The peasants will stare. You do not want to look like Kate Middleton arriving at McDonald’s in Erdem, darhhhling!

6) Do pretend that you are a celebrity and demand a black card.  Actually, I was very surprised at how reasonably priced the food is.  So, if you aren’t given a black card, don’t fret.

Well, that’s all from the Silly Asparagus today.  Please let me know about your own Nando’s experiences.  The link to the ‘Nando’s Skank’ is below.

Bye bye. x

*Disclaimer: This video is not mine, nor is the song.  Example’s hair has nothing to do with me either.*


Day 63 (I think).

Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat.  Fat.  Wrong.  Christmas has gone and the goose is still fat — take that as you will.

I am delighted to announce that the silly asparagus is back.  I am a bit late, but Happy 2012 to you all.  Some of you have missed this blog and have begged for its return.  This has made my spear-shaped head expand to gigantic proportions. I am only joking, but I am very flattered by the positive response.  Facebook ‘friends’ are probably about to ‘un-friend’ me, not wanting to be inundated with blog links.  Never mind.

I’m not going to bore you any further today, I just want to let you know that I am still a vegetarian and I am still loving it.  I survived Christmas without pigs in blankets or stuffed birds.  Although, I definitely ate my fair share of Quality Streets *shudders*.

Over the next few blog posts, I will fill you in on the last month. I’ve been so glutinous that I could probably write a restaurant guide on vegetarian-dining.

I will speak to you soon my little darlings.

With love,

The asparagus and the very grateful turkey.