Day 66: Unha-pea

Good moro!

Today, I am going to moan to you about the dreaded pea.  I will understand if you decide to stop reading now…

Just because I am a vegetarian does not mean that I like all vegetables.  I am getting better, but I still have a long way to go.  There is one vegetable in particular that I have a real problem with: peas.  I refer to peas as ‘the evil green army’.

A few weeks ago, my best friend and I went on a night out.  It is tradition for us to end the evening with a sophisticated meal.  Prior to being a vegetarian this meant chicken. Chicken nuggets, chicken burgers… I didn’t mind as long as it was accompanied by a big red splodge of ketchup.  Now that I do not feast on our feathery friends, I had to find an alternative.  I had one option, the almighty veggie burger.  I was quite happy sneaking bites of it during the taxi ride home. But then I saw it in the light… yes, I had unknowingly become a victim of the evil green army.  You see, it is not so much the taste of the pea that I cannot stand.  It is their ability to get EVERYWHERE.  They really do just turn up when you least expect. How dare they.

I’m also suspicious of them because I never see them fresh.  At the supermarket, I can pick which shiny apples I bring home.  But I have never seen a pick-a-pea option. They are normally too busy in the frozen section, infecting the poor carrots and corn.  Or they can be found sitting on shelves, mushed and wearing a putrid shade of green.

There are bridges with peas on!  Each time I go from Reading to Hertfordshire on the M25, I see ‘Give Peas A Chance’.  There is a Facebook appreciation page for this bridge (https://www.facebook.com/givepeasachance).  I’m sorry bridge, but I do not want to give peas a chance.  I stand for peace, not peas.

I’ve been particularly unha-pea recently.  There are less than two weeks until Valentine’s Day (yawn).  This means it is impossible to go shopping without seeing tacky items covered in hearts.  I have one question: Who decided to make peas cute?!  I have found so many Valentine cards covered in peas.  The peas stare back at me with scary faces.  There are the ‘two peas in a pod’ cards.  There are the ‘we go together like peas and carrots’ cards — I blame Forrest Gump for that one.  ‘Ha-pea Together’, ‘Ha-pea ever after’… Why is this pea wearing a hair ribbon and lipstick?!

The only solace I can take from peas are the words ‘petit pois’.  Just say it.  Doesn’t it sound wonderful?

Apologies that all I have given you today is a rant about peas.  I hope you can understand where I am coming from though.  Please leave me a comment about your most hated foods.  Or, if you would like to defend the pea, go ahead.

To my millions of adoring readers, if I have not already made this clear,  please do not send me Valentine’s Day cards with peas on.  Or birthday cards.  Or Christmas cards.  Thanks.

I will try to make my posts a bit more exciting in future.

Long live the asparagus!!

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