Today, I am going to moan to you about the dreaded pea. I will understand if you decide to stop reading now…
Just because I am a vegetarian does not mean that I like all vegetables. I am getting better, but I still have a long way to go. There is one vegetable in particular that I have a real problem with: peas. I refer to peas as ‘the evil green army’.
A few weeks ago, my best friend and I went on a night out. It is tradition for us to end the evening with a sophisticated meal. Prior to being a vegetarian this meant chicken. Chicken nuggets, chicken burgers… I didn’t mind as long as it was accompanied by a big red splodge of ketchup. Now that I do not feast on our feathery friends, I had to find an alternative. I had one option, the almighty veggie burger. I was quite happy sneaking bites of it during the taxi ride home. But then I saw it in the light… yes, I had unknowingly become a victim of the evil green army. You see, it is not so much the taste of the pea that I cannot stand. It is their ability to get EVERYWHERE. They really do just turn up when you least expect. How dare they.
I’m also suspicious of them because I never see them fresh. At the supermarket, I can pick which shiny apples I bring home. But I have never seen a pick-a-pea option. They are normally too busy in the frozen section, infecting the poor carrots and corn. Or they can be found sitting on shelves, mushed and wearing a putrid shade of green.
There are bridges with peas on! Each time I go from Reading to Hertfordshire on the M25, I see ‘Give Peas A Chance’. There is a Facebook appreciation page for this bridge (https://www.facebook.com/givepeasachance). I’m sorry bridge, but I do not want to give peas a chance. I stand for peace, not peas.
I’ve been particularly unha-pea recently. There are less than two weeks until Valentine’s Day (yawn). This means it is impossible to go shopping without seeing tacky items covered in hearts. I have one question: Who decided to make peas cute?! I have found so many Valentine cards covered in peas. The peas stare back at me with scary faces. There are the ‘two peas in a pod’ cards. There are the ‘we go together like peas and carrots’ cards — I blame Forrest Gump for that one. ‘Ha-pea Together’, ‘Ha-pea ever after’… Why is this pea wearing a hair ribbon and lipstick?!
The only solace I can take from peas are the words ‘petit pois’. Just say it. Doesn’t it sound wonderful?
Apologies that all I have given you today is a rant about peas. I hope you can understand where I am coming from though. Please leave me a comment about your most hated foods. Or, if you would like to defend the pea, go ahead.
To my millions of adoring readers, if I have not already made this clear, please do not send me Valentine’s Day cards with peas on. Or birthday cards. Or Christmas cards. Thanks.
I will try to make my posts a bit more exciting in future.
Long live the asparagus!!